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Visiting One of the Great Cathedrals
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Sort of like George Lucas, despite it being a terrible, terrible idea . . . I just can't seem to leave this thing alone.
But nonetheless . . . I had to revive this little slog, at least temporarily, because I've been thinking a lot about baseball lately - I'm in New York this week and trying desperately to get in to see the old Yankee Stadium before she's gone forever.
Anyway, watching ball games always makes me think about Annie's (Susan Sarandon's) opening speech in Bull Durham about the Church of Baseball.
It wouldn't make any sense to most people, but to baseball's faithful, it's one of the best openings in film:
"I believe in the Church of Baseball.
I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology.
You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring... which makes it like sex. There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250... not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle.
You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone, I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. 'Course, a guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay.
I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. 'Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball - now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake? It's a long season and you gotta trust.
I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball."
I believe in the Church of Baseball too.
If only the Blue Jays weren't such sinners.
I'll keep you posted.
(Maybe)
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27 Comments
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Slim
12:22 AM on September 06, 2008
so are you gonna use this church of baseball as an excuse to make out with ball players?
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